Greatest American Dog — episode 2

I can't believe it's only the second episode.

Tillman the bulldog and Elvis the jack russell got into a fight. Tillman gets bitten near the eye. His owner Ron is understandably upset but, you know, dogs are dogs and they get into scraps.

Elvis's owner Jack sleeps in the doghouse again, even though he doesn't have to, to avoid having the dogs in the same bedroom.

What a guy.

Ron says, referring to Tillman's losing battle with a much smaller dog, "He's a farter, not a fighter."

What a guy.

The dog bone challenge (sheesh) is a series of commands. The last dog to successfully perform wins the "golden bone" (they still haven't renamed it!) for his or her owner and a chance to live it up in the luxury suite, filled with dog toys and treats.

Travis & Presley win, sending J.D. & Galaxy, who won the first DBC, to sleep in the dog house. Travis welcomes everyone in the suite, which is quite unlike what J.D. did last week.

A bit of added drama occurred when Bill let Star outside the next (at least on tape) morning. Out of sight, Star yelps and Bill finds her bleeding. They are wisked to the vet. Star is examined and found to have a torn ear tip, possibly from a cat.

While waiting, Bill says that Star is not a dog, she's a companion. Cue the music.

The best in show challenge was called "Petiquette." At the Bone Appetit restaurant, oh my sides hurt from laughing, the dogs are tested in their ability to heel and then to sit in front of their favorite meal without eating it.

Much to everyone's amazement none of the dogs touch the food.

Most annoyingly though, Elan keeps saying "Ah, ah, ah" to poor large schnauzer Kenji.

The owners have to leave the dog on their pedestals and walk around the table. Kenji makes a break for it (smart dog) though. None of the other dogs follow (they had their chance — I'm beginning to wonder if Star planned her little medical incident just to get the hell away from the show).

The judges like how Laurie works with Andrew. they are amazed Tillman (the farter) leaves his steak alone. David needs to work on less confusing hand signals. Brandy's Beacon doesn't heel very well.

Travis talks baby talk to Presley (a good thing), Bella Starlet shouldn't be dressed up — by Beth Joy — especially when grooming is part of the challenge (a bad thing).

Bill & Star win best of show.

The bottom three are Elan & Kenji, Beth Joy & Starlet and David & Elvis.

Beth Joy tells the judges off, saying that it's in the Constitution that she should be allowed to dress up her pooch (no, not really). But she does say that one should be dressed up at a dinner party, if even one can't see how one is groomed.

Can't argue with logic.

Is spite of her outburst, Beth Joy & Bella Starlet will be back.

The judges boot Elan & Kenji. And they still make them take a non-victory lap.